you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
