that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
