dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
