This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
