dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
