Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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