Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
