well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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