just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
