I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
