Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
