I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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