alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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