i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
