Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
