We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
