all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
