Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
