I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize