I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
