She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
