Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
