At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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