She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
