The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
