i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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