wanna go halves on a baby?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
