I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
