If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
