You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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