Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Duck Duck Cougar?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
