so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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