so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
