If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
