Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
