The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
