How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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