apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
