Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
