I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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