I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
