You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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