Whatcha textin bout Willis?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
