i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
