That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
