I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
