My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
