You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
