They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
