operation harelip BJ is a go
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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