yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
