im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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