I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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