too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
