Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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