do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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