she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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