could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
