woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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