ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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