She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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