id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
