my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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